In the realm of interpersonal relationships, discussions about abuse often focus on physical or emotional harm. However, there is another insidious form of abuse that can have profound and lasting effects: financial abuse. In the context of intimate relationships, financial abuse involves controlling, manipulating, or exploiting a partner’s financial resources to maintain power and control.
If you’ve experienced financial abuse in a controlling relationship, you are not alone. Of the 44% of Canadian women who have experienced an abusive relationship, it is experienced by more than 95% of domestic violence victims. 41% of US American women who have reported abuse in their intimate partner relationships, financial abuse is a component 99% of the time.
Economic and financial abuse can have far-reaching consequences for business owners who may find themselves navigating the complexities of entrepreneurship while grappling with the aftermath of financial abuse.
What is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse can be hard to identify, mainly because of social taboos about discussing money. Women don’t have access to information about what is and isn’t a healthy financial relationship. The experience of financial abuse can also be like boiling a frog. It doesn’t happen suddenly or all at once. The temperature increases bit by bit. The escalation is only minimally noticeable until suddenly the water is boiling.
As with all types of abuse, financial abuse is rooted in the desire of one partner to have power and control over the other. Financial abuse is one of the tactics used purposefully to manipulate, intimidate, and threaten the victim in order to entrap them in the relationship.
It can be helpful to think of financial abuse as a subcategory of economic abuse. Financial abuse refers to abuse in the realm of money specifically. Economic abuse is a wider term that encompasses not only money but also property and other economic resources. Together, these terms describe a pattern of control, exploitation, or manipulation of financial resources that undermines an individual’s autonomy, security, and well-being (click here to read more about economic abuse).
Although both men and women experience abuse, women are four times more likely to be affected than men, with transgender women and women with disabilities at higher risk. The use of financial or economic abuse is gendered and also cuts across all races and income levels. “Usually a man using economic control, economic exploitation and employment sabotage” (NestEgg).
Examples of Financial and Economic Abuse
- Controlling access to money: Limiting a partner’s access to their own finances by withholding funds, controlling bank accounts, or monitoring spending.
- Forcing financial dependence: Pressuring a partner to quit their job, preventing them from pursuing education or employment opportunities, or sabotaging their financial independence. Conversely, the abusing partner can refuse to work, forcing their partner to support them.
- Exploiting assets: Using a partner’s assets or credit without their consent, coercing them into signing financial agreements, or exploiting joint investments for personal gain.
- Sabotaging financial stability: Intentionally causing financial harm, such as accumulating debt in a partner’s name, destroying property, or undermining their business ventures.
- Isolating from resources: Cutting off access to support networks, resources, or financial assistance, leaving the partner vulnerable and dependent.
Financial Abuse in My Life
I’m a survivor of an abusive relationship. Financial abuse was a significant component.
The first incident involved using my credit. My score was good. My husband wanted a fancy Jeep, but he didn’t have either the income or the credit to buy one. He bullied me for days until I caved in and co-signed the loan.
After we graduated, he refused to work at the exact job he believed should be his because “any other job was beneath him, and an insult.” For my entire pregnancy (I was nauseous and throwing up for the duration), I worked and he didn’t.
After our daughter was born, as before, I was entirely responsible for running the household. He blamed me for “spending all our money.”
While I was on maternity leave, he finally decided to apply for work. While he was away at a long-term training, earning a paycheque, he kept his entire pay. I only had the 60% of my income provided by unemployment insurance for my daughter and I to live on.
And this doesn’t include the many, many times he criticized and berated me about money and money-related topics. But I just thought it was the regular conflicts couples have over money.
It was only after I left him that I learned, from the program at the shelter where I stayed, about the full extent of the abuse I had experienced. (Here is the Duluth Wheel of Power and Control for more information about the extent and nature of abuse in intimate relationships: Wheels of power and control; Understanding the Wheel of Power and Control)
The beliefs this developed or reinforced in me were that I was bad with money, an irresponsible shopper, couldn’t stick to a budget, didn’t understand money, and couldn’t manage on my own. It made me doubt myself and my money decisions. I found it difficult to delegate responsibility, to ask for help, or to talk about my money struggles.
How Being a Survivor of Financial Abuse Impacts You as a Business Owner
For business owners who have experienced financial abuse in an intimate relationship, the effects can be profound and multifaceted.
Here are some ways in which being a survivor of financial abuse can impact you as a business owner:
Financial Instability
Financial abuse can leave survivors in a precarious financial situation, with depleted savings, damaged credit, and limited access to resources. As a business owner, this instability can impede your ability to invest in your business, secure financing, or weather economic downturns.
Emotional Distress
Survivors of financial abuse may experience feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety related to their financial situation. These emotional challenges can affect your confidence, decision-making, and overall well-being as a business owner.
Trust Issues
Financial abuse can erode trust in intimate relationships and leave survivors wary of trusting others, including business partners, employees, or financial advisors. As a result, you may find it difficult to delegate tasks, collaborate effectively, or ask for help when you need it.
Legal and Regulatory Challenges
Survivors of financial abuse may encounter legal and regulatory obstacles related to their finances, such as navigating divorce proceedings, resolving disputes over shared assets, or addressing financial fraud or identity theft. These challenges can divert time, energy, and resources away from your business endeavors.
Business Impacts
The financial ramifications of financial abuse can spill over into your business, affecting cash flow, profitability, and long-term sustainability. As a result, survivors may face even greater challenges than non-survivor women entrepreneurs. These challenges can include accessing business loans or investment capital, attracting clients or partners, or maintaining the financial stability of their ventures.
Low Self-Esteem
A woman’s concerns over her inability to provide financially for herself and her children can form the belief that she doesn’t have what it takes to run a business.
The constant berating and belittling have mental health impacts that affect confidence and self-esteem. Under stress, the things the abusive partner used to say will repeat themselves. The memories themselves are distressing enough; however, the way they are used by the internalized critic can make them believable. As a result, your ability to connect with your strength and knowledge is undermined.
Scarcity Mindset
Financial abuse also contributes to a scarcity mindset. As I mentioned in my post about scarcity, living under conditions of scarcity results in us fearing that there will never be enough.
When there is control, there is scarcity, which leads to anxiety, fear, and stress. Furthermore, scarcity psychology leads to survival decisions that can serve our immediate well-being and safety but be harmful in the long term. Lastly, we can also struggle to access the creative thinking needed to see long-term financial solutions.
How to Move Forward: Seeking Support and Reclaiming Financial Independence
Despite the challenges posed by financial abuse, it’s important for survivors to know that there are many others who have experienced this and that support is available.
As a survivor and business owner, you can prioritize your well-being. This way, you can heal from the financial and economic abuse and regain (or gain) confidence and clarity.
Seek Professional Assistance
Emotions and past experiences have a profound effect on our money beliefs and behaviours. Working with a mental health professional who specializes in supporting survivors of financial abuse is a first step.
Build a Support Network
Carefully create an intimate network of supportive others – friends, family members, mentors, and/or peers who can offer encouragement, validation, and practical assistance. Joining support groups or networking communities for survivors of financial abuse can provide a sense of belonging and solidarity. The Trauma of Money is an excellent psychoeducational program that provides a supportive community.
Set Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries and assert your financial independence in your personal and professional relationships. Communicate your needs, preferences, and expectations openly and assertively, and seek partners and collaborators who respect and honor your autonomy. The Trauma of Money includes a module about intimate partnerships and money.
Educate Yourself
Often we know more than we have been led to believe. However, if you think that you need more information, consider taking a personal finance education course. Empowering yourself with knowledge and skills can help you regain control over your finances and make informed decisions for your business and personal life. Here are the personal finance books I recommend (affiliate link). Dana Miranda’s You Don’t Need a Budget is the first book I recommend you read.
If you are frustrated because you’ve taken classes and read books but still can’t get it right, note that your knowledge will not enable you to make life-serving decisions with money. First, you need to attend to your emotions and beliefs around money.
Cultivate Self-Kindness
Self-compassion can help you navigate the challenges of recovery and business ownership with grace and resilience. In the Trauma of Money program, we say, “Decrease shame. Increase discernment.” Self-compassion creates the conditions under which shame fades and your ability to make good judgments will increase.
Financial abuse in intimate relationships can have lasting and far-reaching effects on survivors who are navigating the complexities of entrepreneurship. By understanding the nature and impact of financial abuse and seeking support to reclaim their financial well-being, survivors can advance despite adversity, rebuild their confidence, and thrive. When business owners thrive, so do their businesses.
Start Your Recovery Journey
I invite you to remember (or to look for) the evidence that, as a survivor business owner, you are resilient, resourceful, and capable of overcoming challenges. This evidence will serve you well in your recovery journey and in your resilience as a business owner.
Want support for healing your relationship with money? Book a free call with me here.
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